09 Sep

My sober date happens to be on my son and my husbands birthday, which is actually a coincidence, I almost died on that day, so the alcohol I drank on 11/16/2016 was the last time I touched alcohol. Being an alcoholic is the scariest thing. You want to stop but you don't know how to, or you are bot strong enough to do it. Family members and friends think they are helping you by telling you about rehab and cutting you off. Those things may help, but the only way you can sober up is when you make the decision and stop drinking. Cutting back alcohol consumption will not help a real alcoholic. Cold turkey baby... dump all the booze and hang on for the ride of your life. I tried to cut back slowly, I tried to buy nips instead of whole bottles, but the amount of nips increased. When a party happened or something really tragic was going on, I would say that I was buying a bigger bottle just for that day. But the next day I would get another bottle again. 

However you stay sober is on you. Some people need to go to meetings and need constant supervision or constant contact with a sponsor. I myself, was scared literally to death. I am afraid if I drink again I will not be able to stop or worse that first drink I take will act negatively on my brain lesion. I have no way of knowing what will happen. I do know that I will hurt my family again, I know that I will not be as good of a mother as I am now. I know I will let down my family. I hear about people relapsing and I am so afraid of that. I am not perfect (I think about it) but I am hoping my fear will keep me sober. I have worked so hard to be sober that I can't imagine throwing away all my hard work. With all that said, I did go to a meeting once. My parents really wanted me to go to AA, I told them I didn't need a meeting. So, on my 6 month sobriety date I went with my dad, like a Friday night date. It was just as I expected it. I never went back. I am told if you need it, find the right one. Go to women's only or men's only. Try different meetings in different towns. The meeting I went to was for drugs and alcohol. I have never been addicted to drugs so I had a hard time relating to the speakers.

I do belong to some online Facebook groups for sober people and I go into the group daily. I do not have any friends who are true recovering alcoholics, so I really have no one to talk to about it. I don't suggest going that route. It has worked for me but I am such a strange person. I am a creature of habit so keeping myself busy has helped and I have my history to remind me. I urge other people to find a meeting and get help. The only thing I worry about when I tell people that is that you may be able to do it yourself. On the safe side, go to a meeting, stay sober for a bit. See how it feels and do whatever you think is best. I have been told by people in my sober group that I will not remain sober because I do not go to meetings. But I hear people who go to meetings relapse too. So every person is different, don't let someone pray on your addiction, but also don't let them pray on you when you are at your lowest and need help. If someone makes you feel bad, then find a new friend or a new sponsor. 

Friends or family that are seriously there to help you will not drink around you. Maybe one day you will feel comfortable, but maybe not. This is your life, your addiction. If someone is jeopardizing your sobriety leave them, don't spend time with them. It is hard, but you cannot let toxic people in your life. Whether they be toxic because they are drinking around you or toxic because they are so full of negativity and may lead you to drink. I don't care who you are, if you are stressing me out and I feel shaky in my sobriety I will tell you to leave me alone. If I can stay sober for me and my children, I will not let someone's negativity ruin that. 

Please if you need to talk to me reach out. Contact Me. I am not a doctor or counselor DISCLAIMER. I have been through this. I am a recovering alcoholic. 

AA WEBSITE- Click here for meetings and other information. There are so many resources out there. Please never think you are alone in this. Just because your family or friends don't understand, I do. Being sober is the hardest thing you will ever do. It is also the most important thing for your health and whoever is important to you. 

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