Stop Playing The Victim


10 Apr
10Apr

So normally, I wake up 3-4 times a night. Since developing neuropathy. As most of you know I went med free last year after starting CBD oil; I was on Gabapentin 900mg 4 times a day, I was also on a myriad of other medications for high blood pressure, depression, anxiety, migraines and myoclonus and now being off all those medications I feel great! No side effects, if I have a headache I know what it’s from, no wondering if a certain body ailment is a side effect from something I’m taking.
Back in September I changed my diet, I lost some of the weight I put on after getting out of the hospital and again I started feeling better. CBD is not a cure, and it doesn’t take the neuropathy away completely but it was definitely more manageable.

In December I started meditating. I didn’t pay money to see professionals, I opened up books and  the internet and researched different things. Because of my equilibrium and gait issues associated with the lesion on my brain stem I have a hard time doing yoga, I pretty much fall every few minutes. So I do the meditation laying down. A couple weeks ago I was able to walk up and down the stairs unassisted, last night I slept like a baby, I got up 2 times, but I was able to fall right asleep, something I haven’t been able to do since the development of the brain lesion and neuropathy. Today, I’m going to do practice yoga again. I’m feeling so strong and capable in this body where I once felt broken, I know I can do it. You know what that is? It’s motivation. It’s wanting to better the situation, it’s not letting neuropathy get the better of me. So many people with neuropathy and other diseases and disorders get depressed and reliant on medications. So many people don’t push for their goals. People want something but do nothing about it.

If I can get out of a wheelchair, off 10 medications, lose weight conquer almost all my disabilities.... you can too. Stop playing the victim, do research, try new things, ask questions, go back to the drawing board if something didn’t work and try it again. You have a life to live! I had a thought 2 years ago: it was to kill myself, I couldn’t think what life could be like in so much pain for 50 more years, then I looked at my kids and realized that wasn’t an option. I’m ashamed I felt those feelings but I was severely depressed, I used that pain to keep pushing until I’m here today getting ready to do yoga and possibly fall on my a$$ again, but I’m trying. Those were major physical and mindful issues I had to overcome. To the people that are being held back: What are you going to do today?

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